Significantly Insignificant

The last blog indicated a feeling of growth, moving forward and redemption.

This blog is strictly going to be a venting session. Here goes…

1. I hate the act of disrespect.

2. I hate selfishness.

3. I hate indecisiveness (this is me in a nutshell).

4. I hate that I know little about the thing I care a lot for. So much in fact that I spend days upon days perfecting the vision of what I do. Only to fall short of my own standards.

5. I hate standards. They give me a headache and cause random bouts of bullshit.

And now I am done. :)

Scram! Find another blog to oogle at.

There are many unknowns in my life right now.

It is unknown as to how I will feel a year or so from now with everything going on in the life I presently know.

I am unsure about something big right now. Something life-altering.

I am scared, but content. God will either allow this to occur, without any negative consequences, but again…this is still unknown.

This was supposed to be choosen and meticulously planned if indeed it is to occur…but this is not the case this time. Just as my life has always been fairly hectic and without aim…this too may be the same.

As we become older we do an endless amount of growing.

When we are born, we grow into life itself. We are needing to find ways to be “ok” with living as others do around us. We grow as babies do into children, and as children we grow into teens, as teens we grow into adults, as adults we grow into elderly and as elderly we grow into our being “ok” with death. We are growing endlessly, and endlessly dying…of course depending on your own spiritual beliefs, we grow to begin again…the next life, the reincarnate of what was once us, the blood that runs through your veins, also will run through your family…endless connection in some way. Endless growth, endless death.

I grew into a new role as of recent…I grew from child, to young woman, to adult/grown woman. I still whine and complain, I still become selfish at times I don’t mean to, I still throw my own internal temper tantrums, and I still find ways to show others that I too am not finished growing.

I’ve grown in and out of friendships, in and out of relationships, in and out of love, in and out of depending on others for much of anything. Throughout this growing process I’ve managed to still keep a few good people around. I don’t so much miss the previous people who once held this position, I mostly just think of them in passing and wish them well. Before a month or so ago…I was never ok with this. I used to barter with God to keep people in my life, to keep them happy and never really care to keep ME happy. That time has come and is now gone. So I guess you can now say I grew out of needing acceptance. I have everything I need. An amazing family, that continuously grows, a husband who is beside me no matter what, a few close friends, the children I serve, and myself. I am content with this. I am ok with being able to grow up, and not down. To grow over nonsense and not bury myself in it. To look upon others rather than down at them, because let’s face it…the only one higher than anyone is the man who will either let us through the gate, or not allow us the time of day. That is the ONLY person who has the authority to look down on anything…and go figure, he happens to be the only person to ever look down on us, to watch over us, or help us back up.

Just a little growth thought. :)

Growth.
Let it happen.

Today’s work included a vast array of cursing, smiles, and thoughtfulness. The people in my line of work are excellent individuals. I don’t think they understand how much I appreciate them, as well as the clients whom we serve daily. My job…is exhausting, enchanting and demanding-but I wouldn’t change it for the world. *Cheers*

-me

Today I awoke with a sense of feeling incredibly insignificant.

There was even a moment of shall we say…I don’t give a s*it if I actually were to awake fully. That I’d be entirely satisfied with simply being in a trance-like state for as long as it would be allowed.

Perhaps due to this feeling of fleeting insignificance, I decided to put my thoughts on e-paper. In e-life you don’t have a worry in the world as to who can see it, who can prove it is you, and everything else that comes with the anonymity of the world wide web.

I will maybe share this with one person. Though as sad as this is to say- it will definitely not be the person I trusted with all of my being. It may be my spouse, or my mother- but perhaps…just perhaps I’ll keep this little piece of insignificance all to myself.

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

my camera :)